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What happens when the people you trust most betray you? For alt-pop singer Au/Ra, you win a three-year legal battle, release your highly anticipated debut album and tour the world.
WORDS Madeleine Ringer
Interview taken from IMAGINE Magazine Issue Three Pre Order here
Betrayal, trauma and a resilience that will not be silenced: from the very first second of Au/Ra’s debut album, listeners fall head-first into the world of heartcore. A land of battle scenes and ballads, Au/Ra seamlessly blends alt-rock, electronica and hyperpop with the ease of someone born to do so.
Finding time between her schedule of shows, festivals, talk panels and conventions, I met the 24-year-old singer via Zoom, in the subtle heat of an early June evening. Despite her image of dark-alt-pop and haunting vocals, she is immediately a vision of joy. Amidst her bubbling laughter, genuine authenticity and signature green hair, Au/Ra holds a careful, considered wisdom beyond her years – the kind that can only arise when you’re faced with no other choice.
Signing with her first label in 2018 at just 15-years-old, Au/Ra was catapulted into stardom with PANIC ROOM, a single now with over 300 million streams worldwide. After winning a three-year-long legal dispute, she’s finally stepping back into the spotlight, and this time, it’s on her terms. Channelling her desire to escape through music, heartcore was born, an album exploring themes of anxiety, identity and mistrust. Eight years on from her viral single, Au/Ra emerges bolder, braver and with a weapon or two.
Madeleine Ringer: heartcore is all about moving forward through difficult times, but to move forward, we must first look back. You’ve been fighting for your music for three years and you’ve come out on top; in an industry where so many artists are exploited by the people they trust, what’s your biggest piece of advice for young creatives to avoid or navigate similar experiences?
Au/Ra: At 15, I didn’t want to pay attention to the business side of things, but you have to make sure you’re aware of it because, unfortunately, your music is a product. When you’re a minor, you trust in the people around you so much, but you need to be really careful and make sure you have guardians around you who truly do have your best interests at heart. It’s a tricky thing to navigate – the person who might betray you doesn’t necessarily look like the stereotypical businessman in a suit. There isn’t much of a space to talk about this kind of thing and it happens so often, especially when you’re a young teenager; you want to take any opportunity to get discovered and follow this idea that your dreams could come true, so we have to try and educate ourselves on these things. You can’t turn a blind eye to it.
Sometimes, you just don’t know until you know, I think that’s life. There’s only so many warnings and you can’t even see them if you don’t know what to look out for. It’s something we need to talk about more in the artist community; I’m only now getting comfortable speaking about it.
MR: A lot of people in the limelight shy away from the idea of being considered a role model, how do you feel about being thought of as this? From the album’s very first track, THE DESCENT, heartcore focuses in on a female-centred narrative; do you feel a protectiveness over young women and fellow artists?
A: I’ve been referring to myself as an old baby, because I’ve seen things, but I also feel like I don’t know anything; when you grow up fast, there’s a weird disparity between your childhood self and your adult self. I’m the eldest sibling, so it’s always been very important to me to set a good example, and I’ve always been kind of an overthinker, for better or worse. I’m so imperfect and I don’t want anyone to put me on a pedestal, but I think through the imperfections, you can still be inspirational… being a role model is a big responsibility, but I think if anyone can find inspiration in my songs, then that’s incredible.
“when you grow up fast, there’s a weird disparity between your childhood self and your adult self.”
MR: The level of worldbuilding behind this album is truly unmatched. I’m obsessed with it all. How did this concept of a video game begin?
A: Honestly, it started randomly: I have “signs” that appear to me. The first one goes way back – every time I would shower, I would draw a broken heart with a flower growing out of it on the glass. It became a compulsive thought: when I’m in the shower, I have to draw this. I just kept doodling this symbol and I thought, there’s something to this. Then I wrote last heart </3, which was the first song off the record and it had a lot of fantasy inspiration behind it. I’m very proud of this song, because it had to go through a lot of changes, and it basically unlocked the whole aesthetic vision to me.
I spent a lot of time writing when I was in my little legal battle era, and the more I wrote, the more it trickled together. I really tried to lose myself creatively during that time, simply as a survival instinct. I knew I needed to have it feel as immersive as possible.
MR: You’ve definitely achieved that. Where should listeners first “play the game”? In my opinion, your environment when you listen to an album for the first time shapes the whole experience. So, are we thinking a car ride, a bedroom, or somewhere else?
A: I love this question! If you can be as close to the vibe of a dungeon crawler game, then hell yeah. [But] as much as it is this big journey with a character, it is also a very internal, inner world, so I would probably say your bedroom or somewhere that feels like a portal to that safe space. I like listening to music very loudly, so for me, I would say speakers in my room.
MR: What was it like to have a heartcore listening party?
A: It was crazy. I’m used to hanging out with my community online and at shows but getting to see everybody listen to it for the first time, in real time, was crazy. I’m so grateful that it got to happen, because I’ve never done one before and I knew we just had to have one. I did cry during it, at a song I didn’t think I’d cry at, even though it’s beautifully, tragically sad.
MR: Which song was that?
A: blue light. There’s a song about grief called dear death, which I thought I’d cry at, but it was blue light. For that whole part of the album, which I like to call the depression arc or the pit of despair, I was crying, they were crying, it was beautiful. It means so much to me, because you can see people really felt the words and they were able to relate or reflect, and hopefully there’s healing in that.
MR: It’s definitely very cathartic. I wanted to touch on blue light actually; it’s a song about missing a sense of home or identity, but within your community, you’ve created such a caring space for people to be able to exist as they are and feel at home with each other. Do you feel like that safe space has extended to inside yourself?
A: What a beautiful question. I think so, I definitely feel a lot more healed. The green beans, the fans, they’ve been incredible because they knew from the beginning [of the legal battle] that something was going on. From when I started stalling releases and have a quieter presence up until now, their support and belief in me have kept me going. We’ve created this wholesome community and as much as they tell me it helps them, it equally helps me. I’ve become a lot kinder to myself; there were definitely things I needed to work through. In this part of the album, I’m having these conversations with myself about the things I’ve struggled with – and still do.
MR: Your latest single, rewire, is a beautiful song and one that’s incredibly emotional. You’ve been open about crying during the recording of it, which was used in the record. Were you nervous to release a song that holds so much vulnerability? How does the emotion behind the song affect performances?
A: That one was so tricky. I cried so much during the writing and recording of it, but I was actually so happy. It sounds morbid, but I loved that I was so emotionally raw and vulnerable – I wanted to get to that place within myself.
Shout out to my collaborators on that song, Micah Jasper and Violet Skies, because I think getting to a place where you feel comfortable to open up to your collaborators is something really special. Everyone I’ve worked with on this album is incredible and it’s been such an emotional journey; we all know the emotions behind it.
When I started to hear how the recording sounded through the crying, I knew it was perfect. It was exactly what we wanted. I didn’t struggle with putting it out, because I knew I needed to say it, but singing it live was harder than I thought. There were at least four shows where I was crying, but when you cry, you can’t really sing, so I knew I needed to stop myself, but the crowd would be crying too! I was like, I need to not look at them and they need to not look at me. It’s beautiful though, because that’s also how I know I’ve reached this place where I can talk about my feelings. We all have baggage and things we need to work through, and this song is all about navigating that part of healing.
MR: Speaking of performing, let’s talk tour. Themes, costumes, new cities, new songs. Where do we begin?
A: I’ve commissioned two sets of armour.
MR: Of course you have. I need you to casually wear these out and about.
A: I literally do.
It’s so much fun being able to bring that fictional world to life and embody the character; obviously Au/Ra is me, but it’s really helped to separate myself from it by creating this character. Being able to cosplay and go to Comic Con is a nerd’s dream come true. That’s the part of this record I’ve been looking forward to the most – being able to capitalise on all the nerdy shit. The conventions, the comic, the games and minigames!
Touring was incredible, being able to play unreleased songs and see people’s reactions for the first time was insane. The themes were so fun too! I think I’ll always do [themes] now.
“It sounds morbid, but I loved that I was so emotionally raw and vulnerable – I wanted to get to that place within myself.”
MR: What’s your favourite song to perform?
A: princess mononoke. That song is 10x better live in my opinion. It was a no-brainer for me putting it on the setlist. Non-negotiable.
MR: Did you have time to explore any new cities along the way?
A: I thought I would! I asked for recommendations and then I was like, I have no time. We had some crazy drives and commutes, then I was flying back for Comic Con and The Great Escape, so it was just constant travel. I wish I got to do a bit more, but we did go to Copenhagen for the first time and we played there. There was a bunch of different cities, but Cologne was so good. I’ve never done a tour with so many stops, so I was super happy to be in new cities regardless.
MR: You’re known for your hit song PANIC ROOM, but that was released six years ago. Singing it now, from these new chapters of your life, both personally and artistically, does it feel different?
A: I was thinking about this during my last show; I really tried to consciously feel every line. PANIC ROOM starts with Hell raising, hair raising // I’m ready for the worst, which is so funny to me because I was fifteen or sixteen when I wrote that, and I was definitely not ready for the worst! It’s been almost 10 years since I wrote it. I grew up in a lot of different ways, with a lot of different experiences. Looking back at that younger version of me…I just want to give her a hug and tell her it’ll be OK. My relationship with that song is good and I absolutely love performing it; I stand by PANIC ROOM and I will happily sing it forever with no complaints.
MR: If the album revolves around a video game, which song is the final boss?
A: That’s something I thought about when we were working through the mechanic of the game and the comic – yes, there’s a comic too, I’m such a nerd. The final fight scene has to be KILLSWITCH, since all the battles afterwards are more internal… I think accepting yourself for who you are and holding space for who you were, and you will become is the final boss, which is the final song, heartcore. Still, it really is whatever you want to get out of the story. You have to go on your own journey with the music – you are your own protagonist.
MR: heartcore, for all its whirlwind of adventures, concludes with hope – in every sense. If this album, in your words, is the dungeon of your mind, with its conclusion, where do we end up? Are we stepping out into a new world?
A: Are we out the dungeon?
MR: …Is it another dungeon?
A: It leads to another dungeon!
No, I think that’s up to the listener to decide. I’ve thought about this a lot, but the journey ends open-ended. There’ll be a more narrative answer to this question, but for now, I think I’ll just be mysterious. The journey goes where you want it to go… You do leave the dungeon, but who knows where you end up. Another world? The surface? It could be anywhere.
It is very “hopecore” though, I have to say. The last line is I’d do it all over again. It’s always worth it to go on a journey to overcome what you’re going through. As hard as it seems, you can do it. Better things are on the other side.
